When An Athlete Wants To Quit

Every year, around this time, I welcome a student into my office who wants to quit their sport.

For athletes, particularly our first-years, the first few weeks can be challenging. New school. New team. New coach. New home. A new academic schedule. A lot of change all at once and it can lead to some big feelings.

After 15+ years of having these conversations, here is a general guideline of the questions I ask after hearing: “I want to quit.”

To start, I have three goals:

Support the student-athlete. I’m on their side.

Be curious. Find out what is really behind the decision.

Work with the athlete to figure out the next step. Whatever that might be. 

When an athlete says, “I want to quit,” I always reply: “Tell me more.” I want to hear the whole story before we dive into the details. When they're finished, I'll often say: “What else?” There is usually more to the story. I want to get past the first answer (often rehearsed) and understand what is really going on.

From there, it's about being curious.

What brought you to this school?
I want to understand why they are here and what they hoped this experience would be. This helps me get to know the student a bit better and is a breaks the ice.

How did you get involved in your sport?
What has their relationship with the sport been like?

What were you hoping this experience would be?
This helps me understand the gap between what they expected and what they're experiencing.

What feels hard right now?
This is where we might uncover homesickness, roommates, academics, the commute, team dynamics, a new coach, or something completely unrelated to sport.

What is going well?
It helps us identify what is working and where there may already be connection or support.

Who is cheering for you?
Parents? Roommates? Teammates? Friends? Do they have people they can lean on?

What do you enjoy about your sport?
I want to understand what still connects them to it, if anything.

What would you like to see changed?
I want to know if this is something in our control. 

These questions often help us move from the problem to what the athlete actually needs.This leads us in different directions. In my experience, many of these conversations aren't ultimately about the sport itself. It can be, but often it is something else. 

So I ask: “What feels possible right now?”

Maybe it's talking to a coach. Looking at the academic calendar. Finding a tutor. Connecting with someone at home. Talking to a teammate. Or figuring out whether they're going to practice that night. Sometimes, after talking it through, the athlete realizes they really do want to leave. Which is absolutely ok. I mean it, if the athlete is wants to leave their sport, I support them and their decision fully.

My last question is: “What's the next step?”

We make a plan from there.

I'll always finish with: “I'm here for you.”

My door is, and will always be, open for these conversations.When it gets tough, whatever “it” is, I want our athletes to know they don't have to figure it out alone.

#StudentAthlete #AthleteSupport #AthleteDevelopment #MentalPerformance #Coaching #StudentSuccess